Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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