Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
