So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you win again, gameday.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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