I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
