I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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