The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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