This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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