Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
