I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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