And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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