your room smells of hookers.
And success
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
