Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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