This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
