i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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