my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
