well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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