i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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