Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
