I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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