Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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