and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
