32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
