My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
