I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
