There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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