Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
