You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
