After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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