hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
