How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
