Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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