He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
