Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
