You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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