Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
