There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
one two three fourrrrnication!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
