Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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