This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
