saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
