Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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