Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
