i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
