Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
