I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
