We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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