when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
