there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Where is the hickey?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
