I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
