I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
