listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
