i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
