I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
