i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am available for nakedness
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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