I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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