If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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