I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
