you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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