chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
