saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
