a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
