Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
