I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
