Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
