you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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