I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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