i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Let's get the cat blown out
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
