I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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