i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
