Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
