You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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