WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
