I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize