I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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