Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
