Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
