Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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