I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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