My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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