we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
