Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize