Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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