I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We named our party play list daddy issues
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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